One of my favorite traditions within Catholicism is the theology of Paschal Mystery. The idea that Christ's passion, death, and Resurrection is actually mirrored in our own lives. Just as Christ carried His cross and suffered in a tremendous way, we too carry our crosses and bear our burdens...and sometimes suffer tremendously for it. But with the dawn comes a new life, a new chance to make a change. Christ is alive, and we, too, are alive. We suffer and we weep and we go through great pain in this life, but sooner or later, we see the new day. I shamelessly quote Samwise Gamgee from the Lord of the Rings when I say, "A new day comes. And when she sun shines, it'll shine out the clearer." So, not only does the sun shine, but it shines even brighter than before because it delivers us from our deepest despair, the dark nights of our souls. What a beautiful thing.
The readings for today talk about just that. The Gospel addresses it directly, saying:
"So you also are now in anguish.
But I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice,
and no one will take your joy away from you."
No one will take your joy away from you. What a powerful statement. I'm reminded of many accounts of Jewish prisoners kept in concentration camps, who, despite unbelievable circumstances, managed to survive and share their courage and faith with others. They were stripped of everything: their families, their friends, their homes, their clothing, their food...and yet, they survived. I don't know how they did it, but some of them seemed to have that spark, that something that kept them alive. It's unbelievable what people can live through. This passage reminds me of their strength.
I often worry about losing all of my money. As a volunteer and a recent college graduate, I don't have a lot of money. In fact, if I was supporting myself, I would literally go bankrupt. That's an intensely scary reality. Next year, I have to pay for my rent, my groceries, my gas, my books, and the built-in costs for living in a bustling city. In short, I'm terrified. I have a job and it's going to pay me enough to cover my rent, so I'm grateful for that. But what happens when I run out of grocery money, or my car needs a repair? These are the things that keep me up at night, because I don't have a savings account. I don't have a rich uncle who can buy me anything my heart desires (does anyone really have those?). I just don't have a lot of back-up resources besides the good hearts of my parents, and I don't want to rely on them too much because they don't have a lot of money, either. They're putting my sister through college, now, too. In short, money causes a ton of stress...stress that I don't really want at this juncture in my life.
But this passage somehow gives me peace. It reminds me that no matter what hardships I'm going to face, God will be with me through it. God will be waiting on the other side of it, wherever that ends up. And God will provide for me. That's a scary thing to trust in, and I'll admit that I don't believe it very often. God isn't going to rain down thousands of dollars or make Citibank forget that I owe them $25,000. But somehow, God will provide.
God tells us not to be afraid. It sounds easy, but we all know it's nearly impossible. My best friend told me yesterday that she needed to undergo neurological testing because they were afraid that she may have the beginnings of MS. My best friend. The other half of my heart. Understandably, I was afraid for her. And for her boyfriend. And for me. I was just afraid. And then she tells me today that the lab tests were incorrect in their assumptions and that she simply has a sensitivity to certain noises. Her brain stem is fine. She doesn't have a neurological disease. I felt like I could breathe again. But millions of people aren't as lucky as my best friend, so I offered a prayer for them and their families. Fear is a very real thing, and it shouldn't be underestimated. I don't agree with people who just say that fear is an irrational psychosis that has no place in rational thought. I think fear is very real, and often enough, very justified. But we need to know how to deal with our fear in a manner that doesn't suffocate us. We need to let our hope mix with our fear, otherwise...we're lost.
So, I'm probably going to continue to worry about money. I can't help it. It's a very real fear. But I know in my heart that at the end of the day, God is there with me. And God will always provide for me, whether that's through an education or a job or generous parents who put themselves in financial burden just so that I can have a roof over my head. God is good all the time, and that's something that's worth remembering. Have a great weekend, everyone.
Peace.
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