Busy, Busy, Busy

As I sit at work, it is the calm before the storm. We are about to begin a pretty big project, and I thought I'd update my blog, since, you know, I haven't done it in like 40 years. Like Moses.

For your (re: my) reading pleasure, I'd like to reflect on some of the things I've learned since moving to Boston almost two months ago:

1) If you drive in this city, you either have to be an aggressive beast or preparing to die a violent, turbulent death. This death will most likely involve a Toyota Prius Hybrid and/or a train, which is, ironically enough, located IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET. I am not aggressive enough, nor am I prepared to die so young. Therefore, I drive only as a last-minute resort. This is usually when I no longer have any food in my house.

2) The T (the local public transportation around here), has uses both as an above-ground trolley and a below-ground subway. For the most part, the T is helpful, clean, reliable, and it gets me to wherever I need to go. Occasionally, and by occasionally I mean like three times a week, the T's paying station will somehow stop working, and everyone gets a free ride. I don't know how the MBTA makes any money, because I end up paying for the T about 50% of the time. It's a godsend.

3) This city is actually fabulous. I was homesick for the first two days, but once I got my bearings (and promptly gave up trying to drive), I felt much more at-home. The School of Theology and Ministry is a fantastic community environment. I've made really good friends. I love my classes and my professors. I feel like an adult. I also have a depleted bank account. But you know, I'm doing alright. It's a blessing to be here, and I remind myself of that every day.

4) On the downside, this city is also expensive. I'm spending more money than I've wanted to, but it's hard to avoid. I mean, it's worth it, though. Since being here, I've gone to a few awesome concerts (Sara Bareilles being one of them, and that one was FREE!), I've eaten at some great restaurants (mmmmm, Thai!), I've been to a GIANT move theatre downtown, and just yesterday, I got to meet Bill Bryson at a book signing, who is my all-time favorite author. These are just some of the things that this city has to offer, and I haven't even scratched the surface.

5) Because I'm suffering from an embarrassment of riches, I've been feeling a lot of torn feelings about my own degree program. It seems that I have *too* many options, and I don't know which one I want to settle on. I've been going back and forth for a few weeks about my MA/MSW dual degree program, feeling some doubt especially about the MSW part. I love Theology and I love ministry, and my program currently only has me in the Theology school for one year, and the remaining two years will be at the school of social work. It's not ideal for me, but I think it is something I still want to do. In a perfect world, I would just stay with Theology for the entire degree program, and stay on this fabulous campus with the people I love...but without challenging myself, I'll never grow, and I'll never find out what I'm capable of accomplishing. So, I know that pursuing my dreams also means that I have to go outside of my comfort zone. But really, at this point, I should be used to that shit. I haven't really been "comfortable" in a few years, and every time I took a chance, it ended up being a great opportunity for growth. So, it saddens me that I can only be immersed in this community for one year, but I've accepted it as part of God's plan for my life.

So, I'm happy. I'm so busy! There's a lot of work and I've always got somewhere to be and something to do with my friends here, but I have GREAT friends and I've never felt so blessed as I do right now at this juncture of my life.

I don't know when I'm going to update this again, but rest assured that things are good. Thank God for that.

Peace.

New Surroundings

Hello blog world! I finally have a free moment so that I can update everyone on my life...all two of you. I moved to Brighton, MA on Saturday, August 27th, just in time for Hurricane Irene, so that was a little troublesome. The initial few days were very difficult; it was raining, I got lost several times, I was feeling very homesick...it was an overwhelming time. But my parents left that Monday and I had to start feeling at home. So, I decorated my room and I met people and I went out to bars and I registered for classes. I did everything I knew how to do that would help me feel like I was actually living here. And you know what? It worked.

I've been here a little over two weeks now, and it already feels like home. I'm making fantastic friends, and I just love my school so much. My classes are challenging, but I'm learning a lot. My job is awesome, my coworkers rock, and I'm finding my way around the public transportation system. All in all, I'm settling in pretty well (you know, once I got past the first two days of panic and mayhem).

I even found my dream parish today: St. Cecelia's in Boston. It's a huge church, which usually isn't my favorite, but it's got an intimate feel to it. Their music ministry is wonderful and the pastor is just awesome. He gave a 30 minute long homily today, but it didn't even seem long because it was just so damn good. After Mass ended, I filled out a permanent membership form. I want to have a "home" parish outside of the BC Bubble, and I'm feeling so blessed that there's such an awesome, forward-thinking parish so close to home.

So, there's not much of a deep theological reflection for today. I'm just feeling blessed. I'm blessed to be back in school. I'm blessed to be making great friendships. I'm blessed to be in such a vibrant city that really caters toward young adults. I'm just feeling independent and GOOD about things, and it's a great way to start the next three years of my life.

God is good all the time.

And all the time...


...God is good.


Peace be with all of you this day.

Lost Memories

Hello, blog world. I apologize that I haven't been updating this as frequently as I wanted to this summer, but my days have gotten away with me because of social plans and traveling and sheer laziness. Since I've been home, I've seen three theatrical productions (one of which on Broadway!), I've traveled to Rochester to see my best friend and to Nazareth, PA to see another friend from college, and I've attempted to clean out the bowels of my room, which has proved to be about 80% unsuccessful. But, things have been good.

I was just going through my old facebook messages and cleaning them out, only to realize that I accidentally deleted my favorite conversation thread: the one that all of my best friends from college have been commenting on since May 2010. I tried everything, but I just can't get it back. I looked at that thread all year, whenever I needed a pick-me-up or encouragement about my ministry, or when i just wanted a good laugh or a reminder of my memories of college. And now that entire thread is deleted. Needless to say, I was upset. I think what upset me more than anything else was the fact that it was really one of my only ongoing ties to my life at college. It was the only conversation that I was having with my friends, and it was a way for everyone to still be involved in everyone else's lives. Now, my friends can copy and paste the entire thread to me if I really want them to, so it's not the end of the world. But I think it's more upsetting because it's one more thing that separates me from my past memories.

Now, I'm going to be introspective, because this is my blog, so I can. Why do we, as humans, generally fear the idea of forgetting things? I know that for me, I've always feared forgetting memories, feelings, and experiences. When I graduated from college last year, I was so worried about forgetting how I felt at the peak of my Bonnies experience: the ups as well as the downs. I wanted to immortalize those memories, keep them locked away forever so that I could just take a look at them and re-live them at any point. Actually, what I really wanted was a pensieve. Damn you, JK Rowling. But why do we fear forgetfulness? Because really, now that I'm a year out of college, it's okay that it's not so fresh to me anymore. I have great memories of my years there, and there is a part of my heart that will always belong there. But it's okay if I don't remember every single Friday night wine party with my girlfriends, or the beautiful homilies given by fantastic friars. I can't really remember a whole lot of specifics, but I'm at the point now where that's okay. I remember my memories as good things that were life-giving and special to me, and that's good enough for now.

I think that we get so caught up in our memories that we often forget to enjoy the present, or the future. One thing that I had to learn this year is that God is in the present moment. God was obviously very present in my experiences of college, and God was present in my experiences in ministry. This is part of the reason why it's painful to say goodbye to those things...but we must always remember that God is with us NOW! When we say goodbye to a place or a person or a lifestyle, we aren't saying goodbye to the work and manifestation of God. We're just saying goodbye to that particular experience. If I didn't let go of my high school ministry experience, I would have never been open to the workings of the Spirit in college, and then I wouldn't have heard the call to do ministry. So it's really a good thing to say goodbye to the old and usher in the new. It may not always seem like a good thing, and Lord knows it's rarely easy, but it's good for us.

I'm moving to Boston in three weeks. That's a scary thing. I know in my heart that it's a really good thing and that I will settle in and love living there. But my head is so full of logistical crap that I'm having a hard time being excited for it. But something I've come to terms to is this: suck it up. Life isn't easy, transition isn't easy, and moving isn't easy. There will be many things in the next month that will be annoying and challenging and scary. But there will be an abundance of things that will be beautiful and amazing and awesome, and for those things, I am waiting in gleeful anticipation.

This is the next step, and God is calling me to it. So what if I don't actually have a key to my apartment yet and I haven't registered for classes and I'm not even really sure where my new apartment IS? It's all gonna be fine. Thomas Merton once said (I'm paraphrasing) that even though he didn't know the road in front of him, he rested securely knowing that God was right there with him. So, let's go, God. I'm ready.

Peace.

Goodbyes and Hellos

Goodbyes and Hellos. For the past few years, that's all I seem to be doing. Saying goodbye to one juncture of my life, and saying hello (albeit hesitantly) to the next juncture. Our Send-Off was Thursday, and I've been taking a few days to process it all. I miss my roommates, I miss the kids we ministered with, I miss the adults to nurtured us and helped us do the job we were called to do. However, I'm not sad. I feel like we did a fantastic job this year, and I feel a sense of closure and accomplishment, which is a great feeling. I received a lot of cards and gifts from people, and the kind words that they said to me were both gratifying and incredibly humbling. One young woman said that she hopes to be half the woman that I am some day. Talk about a compliment! Still, I feel like they have all given so much more to me than I ever could to them. It's a great feeling, knowing that you did a good service for a year, and that your presence will be missed by a lot of people. It somehow makes all the rest of the drama and crap worth it.

So now I'm home with my family for about a month. I've spent the past few days trying to clean out my room, which has spent the last five years collecting tons of stuff that I just don't need or want anymore. Couple that with the unbearable heatwave we've had lately, and this becomes a near impossible task. Still, I am doing a little each day. I managed to finally clear off my bed, no small feat, so now I can have some space to unpack my clothes and give a lot of things away. My trip to Kentucky made me realize how much unnecessary stuff I have in my own room, so I've already donated about five garbage bags full of clothes. There's always more to do...

So, this is just a brief check-in. Things are good, things are relaxing, and things are humid. So, you know. We're surviving. I went to the library on Friday and checked out a book. I haven't done that in probably six or seven years. It felt glorious.

I hope all is well with you and your world, whoever you are. May you know how deeply you are loved and cherished by our Creator. :-)

Peace.

Something to Remember Us By

Well, our mission trip has come and gone, and we've been home since Sunday afternoon. It was nothing short of incredible, to be totally honest. The van ride down was pleasant and fun because my van group was just full of great kids who were quiet when it was appropriate to be (like 4:30am), and full of joy and laughter the rest of the time. Our community puts a lot of effort into maintaining this sense of comraderie and togetherness, and to stress the fact that no one's ministry is any important than any other. I was doing outreach, but there were also five manual labor sites, a VBS, and a nursing home ministry. So, we did a lot! It was exhausting, but totally awesome.

The ministry itself was amazing, and we met so many people who have left an impact on my life. The first day, we set up shop in the parking lot of an apartment complex and began knocking on doors to let people know we were outside. As a natural introvert, the prospect of knocking on stranger's doors to let them know that I have free clothes and school supplies to give out...well, it's a little daunting. But as the leader, I had to go ahead and do it, or else none of the kids would have. At least I thought that. In reality, many of them were a lot better at it than I was. Can you imagine being fifteen years old and just talking to a total stranger in a place that's so different than your own home? It was impressive.

We met a young woman fairly early on, and her story has stuck with me. Her name is Jessica, she is 22, which, if you didn't know, is exactly how old I am, and she is the mother to four children. FOUR CHILDREN. The oldest child if eight, which means that she had him when she was a mere 14 years old. She's also raising them virtually by herself, since her boyfriend is in Iraq and will be there for the next year, with little to no communication. And here's the craziest part: she didn't want to take too many clothes because she wanted to save it for the people in the complex "who need it." I'm pretty sure she needed it as badly, or even more so, than many of the residents of that area, but she didn't want to be greedy and she wanted to share what little clothing we had. Her selflessness astounded me. We ended up talking to her for a long time, and we felt an immediate connection with her. What great courage she must have, to raise four children in poverty when she is barely out of adolescence herself. It struck me how vastly different our lives have been, and how my worries pale in comparison to hers. It was an incredibly humbling feeling. When we were about to leave, she gave us two small pictures of her with her family. She said that she wanted us to have them so that we had "something to remember us by." I don't need a picture to remember her, but Jessica and her family's faces now reside in the photo section of my wallet, so that I can carry them with me always.

This was just an example of the many, many families we met last week. Not only was our ministry amazing, but I had the opportunity to bond and grow closer to many of the teens whom I have ministered to all year. In a hilarious moment of humility, one teen said to me, "Liz, I had no idea that you were fun!" Well, better late than never, right? I am filled with gratitude for our trip, that we were safe and successful, and that we ended our volunteer year on a really high note.

So now I'm packing. Our send-off prayer service is tomorrow night, where the community will show up to show us their gratitude and to say goodbye. I'm trying to pack and fit my life into my car, but it's difficult. Before I move to Boston, I'm going to need to seriously downsize. And you know what? It's completely possible to live with less. I've seen it, and I can do it. So, even though I asked for a Kindle for my birthday, I've decided to rescind that request, because I don't need one more expensive electronic in my life. A digital camera would be nice, but really, I don't need it. It's a freeing thing to realize that you can live with less. I've been inspired by the people who cried with joy because we gave their child a new pair of pants or for the group who put new siding on their house. I witnessed true joy, and it's something that means more than any shiny new toy could ever provide.

Pray for us in our final 48 hours. Peace.

Appalachia, Here I Come!

In a little under 24 hours, I will be embarking on a rather large endeavor. I, along with 85 other teens and adults, will squish into 10 large vans, and make the drive down to Harlan, Kentucky, for a nine-day service trip. It is our Capuchin Appalachian Mission, and it's the biggest (and final) event of the year. We've been preparing for it for months now, and at this point, I just want to GO! I'm sitting here on my last office day, with an hour left, listening to the rain downpour outside, and I'm just anxiously awaiting tomorrow morning where we will pack up the vans and leave. It's something that we've all been looking forward to (albeit anxiously) for a long time, now.

My specific ministry down in Harlan is outreach. I, along with our resident priest, work with a group of ten or so other teenagers, and we go from neighborhood to neighborhood, passing out clothing, school supplies, and children's books to individuals and families in need. I did outreach once in high school on this exact same trip, and it's an experience that has stuck with me for years. As a natural introvert, I struggle with making conversation and getting over my fear of not being relateable to the people we meet. But, I just need to place the whole experience in God's hands and let Him work through me. I've been doing that this whole year, especially when I've lacked confidence in my own abilities. I'm anxious about all the details that need to be taken care of once we're down there, but I know that the priest with whom I am working is competent and has been doing this trip for a long time, so I really don't need to worry.

This is our last event at Capuchin Youth and Family Ministries. Four days after we get home from the mission trip, we have our Send-Off, which is an even prayer service and reception dedicated to thanking the volunteers for the work they did. It's always a beautiful service and a lot of people show up to see us off, but it's so strange that we're already at that point in the year. We've been having so many conversations lately about closure, and praying our goodbyes (an excellent book!), and learning how to transition out of this experience and into the next one, and it be honest, there's too much in my head right now to have any clarity about it all. Maybe in a month from now, when I'm home and enjoying a few weeks of summer vacation, I'll be able to process the year a little better. When I think about this entire year, it blows my mind that we made it through. I'm proud of the work we did, and I'm grateful for the many, many opportunities for growth that I have experienced.

So, now, I need to stay present and attentive to this one, last experience. It's our biggest one, and it's going to take the most energy. But I'm ready for it. We're going out with a bang, and it only seems fitting because youth ministry is always a little chaotic!

Whoever reads this, I ask you for your prayers. Pray for traveling mercies as we drive down to Kentucky, as well as to and from our work sites every day. Pray that the community we foster will be uplifting and affirming and light-giving, both to the teens and to ourselves. Pray that God works through us to share His light and His love to the people of Harlan, and pray that we may be bold enough to love them, even when it's uncomfortable or difficult to do so. Just pray! :-)

See you on the other side! Peace.

It's JULY!!!

This is crazy. I can't believe it's July 1st. I remember moving into my community house on August 22nd, and wondering what would happen and how I would change and transform between then and July. There have been many moments this year where I wondered if I would even make it to July, and if my community would stick through everything together. But I can sit back and now say that I am proud of the work we've done, even if we're not quite done yet.

I'm on a retreat high because we just finished our Capuchin Outreach Program, which ran from Sunday evening until today. It turns out that I was able to stay on the retreat with some restrictions: I couldn't spend the week with my work group, I couldn't lead a theological reflection group, and I had to sleep in a private room at the retreat house at night. The last one was actually awesome, so I didn't mind that. At first, I was frustrated that I couldn't have a work group or reflection group to call my own, but I soon realized that there was work that needed to be done at the home base, and I was the person for the job.

I got to COP on Sunday night after my sister's high school graduation (!!!), which was insane because I sometimes still see my sister as a 12-year-old. Her graduation was beautiful and she looked stunning, and I literally beamed with pride when she walked across the stage. She manifested her adulthood and freedom by wasting no time and going sky-diving on Tuesday, the video of which is on facebook and it's probably the coolest thing I've ever witnessed. My sister is so awesome.

Anyway, I got to the retreat Sunday night and settled in, feeling a little out of place and useless because I wasn't really in charge of anything. But as soon as Monday dawned, there was plenty of stuff to get done. So, I spent the week running errands, buying stuff for work, and visiting the work sites as the official Picture Lady. It was a different experience than what I was expecting, and in some sense, I am lucky that I was able to see all the work sites, instead of just one. The kids seemed to get a lot out of the week, and no one wanted to leave this afternoon (well, we did...but the kids didn't seem to understand that.) This week, I learned how to go to the Home Depot and buy water sealant (a major accomplishment for me), I visited a manual work site where Habitat for Humanity was stationed and learned a very humbling lesson about my own sheltered upbringing, and I experienced a feeling of true humility by cleaning up after every meal and making sure that all the needs of the community were met.

So, it was different. But it was actually awesome. I'm feeling incredibly grateful right now: grateful for my community, grateful that I have spent a year in a place that has supported me and sustained me and given me life, grateful that God has challenged my limited understanding of service and gently pushed me towards greater boundaries. I'm grateful that teenagers told me this week that they would miss me, and that I made an impact in their lives. I'm just filled with joy and gratitude, and it's such an organic feeling that nothing can really replace or match it.

Our last day is in less than three weeks. We have one more week of office days, and then we head off to Harlan, KY for our ten-day mission trip. It's going to be difficult and tiring and smelly, but I know it's going to be incredible. So, keep us in your prayers and let the good times roll.

Literally. Because my Chinese food just arrived. Peace.