All Forgiveness Created Equal?

Today's reading was interesting to me. It's a passage that I've heard before, but something new stuck out to me this time around. It's the parable that Jesus tells about forgiving one's neighbor "seventy times seven times", and then he goes on about the man who owed a great debt that was forgiven, but then did not forgive the debt that someone else owed to him. I understand the point of it: forgive as you are forgiven. Love as you are loved. But this parable seems to make light of the issue of forgiveness itself.

Forgiveness in this parable is likened to a financial burden. Someone owed a huge amount, and the debt was erased. Then someone else owed a smaller amount, and it was considered unforgiveable by the servant. God calls us to forgive, no matter what the grievance. But is it really as easy as vanishing a financial debt?

I have struggled a lot in my life with forgiveness, especially because there are some people who we come across who really don't seem to "deserve" our forgiveness or benefit from the act of being forgiven. Does God expect me to forgive my sister for staining my dress in the same sense that I would forgive my boyfriend for cheating on me? There are definitely levels of forgiveness, just like there are levels of grievances. Forgiveness takes time, and it should never be faked or rushed. It's a terrible feeling to say that you've forgiven someone, only to habor hate and resentment in your heart for months and even years afterward.

When we carry around that load of bitterness, we do ourselves a disservice. It took me a very long time for me to realize that my anger toward my ex-boyfriend really didn't affect him at all. He had graduated from college and moved on to a new life with a new girlfriend and a new chapter. I, on the other hand, grew more and more angry at a situation that no longer existed, at a person who was no longer in my life. My anger only hurt me in the end. It was this realization that finally caused me to forgive him. I didn't forgive him for his own sake; he didn't really seem to care about that. I forgave him for my own sake. For my own sense of peace and self-respect.

Forgiveness isn't about the sin. It's about the one who was sinned against. It's not about who did what, and who's to blame for what problem. It's about learning to let experiences be, just as they are, and learning to find peace with that. Forgiveness doesn't mean "fixing" the problem. It means allowing it to be a little bit broken and moving forward to a better tomorrow. I'm not saying that we should never try to reconcile....reconciliation is one of the most powerful human experiences that we can ever have. But the reality is that it's just not always possible, and we need to be OKAY with that. I think that may be my biggest struggle when it comes to forgiveness. I want to make things right. I want the forgiveness to be a catalyst that ultimately leads to the perpetrator coming back to me, apologetic and begging for mercy, and I have the decency to allow him back in my life.

It doesn't always work like that, kids. And everyone knows that. That is why forgiveness always needs to be heartfelt, and it should not expect anything in return. Sure, it would be great if the one who is forgiven realizes why they're being forgiven. It would be great if remorse was involved. But we need to be content with the reality that no situation is perfect, especially when it comes to forgiving a great wrong.

Jesus calls us to forgive. It's not this pious notion of this ideal way to live where everyone gets along and no one is hurt and love conquers all. Forgiveness is messy. And it takes a long time. Jesus never called us to an easy journey...but it's ultimately the journey that leads us to a greater and deeper relationship with God.

Forgive your brother from your heart...not your pride.

Peace.